Speaking Parts & Dead Elephants

Dead Elephant
A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

What’s The Difference
Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 Pounds.
Q: And between a husband and a boyfriend?
A: about 45 minutes.

Stupid Husband
A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with a naked man. “what are you doing”, he shouts. The wife replies to her lover: “I told you he was stupid!”.

Sexual Excuse
Pupil: “Is sexual exhaustion can be an excuse for not doing this week’s assignment?”
Teacher: “No, you’ll just have to write with your other hand!”.

Sleeping
Man to wife on wedding night: “Are you sure I’m the first man you are sleeping with?”
Wife: “Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!”.

Mistakes
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people
remembering the same thing.

Insults
Wife: “Give me some money. I want to buy a bra”.
Husband: “Why? You have nothing to put in it!”
Wife: “Well, You wear shorts!”

Speaking Part
Kid: “dad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who’s been married for twenty years”.
Father: “That’s great son. One day you’ll get a speaking part”.