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A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

“Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband” said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband’s turn.

He thought for a moment and said: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. ” The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed but a wish is a wish…

So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, “Watch that wall!”.

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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, ‘”Mabel, do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mabel answered, “I have a suppository in my ear?” She pulled it out and stared at it.

Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.”

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You may not know this, but many non-living things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the
right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tyre is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you
have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and tain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last
5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male, didn’t
you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it,
and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.