Jokes Jokes Jokes
May 7, 2007
One night a man and his wife were in bed. The wife curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bedlamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped, reached over to his wife and started fondling her between the legs. He did this only for a very short while, then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, “Why are you taking all your clothes off?”
The wife replied, “You were playing with me down there. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier.”
The husband said, “No, not at all.”
The wife then asked, “Well, what were you doing then?”
“Oh,” he said, “I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages of my book!”
I was meeting a friend in a hotel bar and, as I entered, I noticed two beautiful women checking me out.
“Nine,” one whispered to the other as I walked past them.
Pretty proud of myself, I bragged to my buddy that a beautiful woman had just rated me a nine out of ten.
“I don’t want to ruin the evening for you, pal,” he said, “but when I came in, they were speaking German!”
Three more to go.
David goes to see a therapist. During the session,
the therapist asks, “How is your sex life?”
“I have a lot of issues with sex,” David replies.
“What kind of issues?” the therapist asks.
“Oh, mostly Hustler, and Penthouse.”
Husband and wife has a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The
husband yells “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads;
‘Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever’.”
“Yeah!” she replies “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads:
“‘Here Lies My Husband - Stiff at Last.’”
A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant, “Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients.”
“Yes, sir…” answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: “So Ole, how was your day?”
Ole tells him he took care of 3 patients. The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.
“Bravo ya Ole, and the second one?” says the doctor.
“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir.” says Ole.
“Bravo, bravo Ole! You’re good at this and what; about the third one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table spread her legs and shouts: “HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!”
“And what did you do Ole?” asks the doctor.
“I put eye drops in her eyes.”
