Joke Time
April 26, 2007
A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, “I’m sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you’ll forgive me.” so the woman replies, “If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113.”
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains “Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer. “She figures 3 times in 30 years isn’t bad and asks “But what about the $1,000?” He replied “Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them”
Five more to go……
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom : “Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away
and go play.”
Son : “But mom, there’s no one to play with.”
Mom : “I’ll play with you, what do you wanna play?”
Son : “Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the
bed.”
The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad’s fishing
hat and lit up one of his dad’s cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened
the door.
Mom : “Now what do I do?”
Son : “Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking
ice cream.”
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they
leave.
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before
passionate love, the wife tells the husband, “Please be gentle, I’m
still a virgin.” The husband being shocked, replied, “How’s this
possible? You’ve been married three times before.” The wife responds,
“Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was
look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to
do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector
and all he wanted to do was…oh, do I miss him!”
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the
doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his
professionallism goes right out the window…
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her
thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The
doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am
doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table,
gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her,
“Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!”
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you
remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t
talk for an hour?” The hubby replied: “Yes, dear, that was the happiest
hour of my life.”
