The Dog Food Diet

I have this beautiful rottweiler. Here he is. Meet Buddy.

One day I was at Pets At Home buying a large bag of Bakers dog food for him. While waiting in line at the check-out, this woman behind me noticed the bag and asked me if I had a dog.

On impulse I answered her no, that I was going back on the Bakers diet. (I can’t help myself, but sometimes I have no patience for inane conversations and questions!) I told her that even though the last time I did this I ended up in the intensive care unit it was worth the risk because the diet was so effective; I had easily lost 50 lbs.

She asked me for more information about the diet. I told her that it was a great diet, that the Bakers was nutritionally balanced. All you do is load your pockets with it and every time you feel hungry you just nibble a few nuggets. The pounds just melt away. She commented that if it was such a great diet why did I end up in intensive care. Was I poisoned by something in the dog food?

I told her no, the dog food was perfectly safe, but I got hit by a car while I was sitting in the street licking my balls.

She didn’t ask any other questions.