Joke Time: Three Hillbillies Talk About Their Wives

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze.
1st Hillbilly says: “My wife sure is stupid!…She bought an air conditioner. ”
2nd Hillbilly says: “Why is that stupid?”
1st Hillbilly says: “We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!”
2nd Hillbilly says: “That’s nothin’! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled […]

Joke Time: Irishman Who Orders Three Beers

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. […]

Joke Time: Rules of a Nudist Colony

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, smiles as she passes and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, ‘Did you call for me?’ […]

Two Irish Workmen And A Blonde

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, ‘We’re supposed to be finding the fook’n height of this flagpole, but we don’t have a fook’n ladder.’
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened […]

Joke Time: The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
“How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized”
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, […]

Joke Time: Heart Surgeon’s Funeral

One of the city’s top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again.
It […]

Joke Time: No Teeth, Broken Nose & Two Black Eyes

Jock takes his wife to casualty.
She’s no teeth, a broken nose & two black eyes.
Dr says, “What´s happened here?”
Jock says, “She was going through the change.”
Dr says, “That doesn’t happen with the change.”
Jock replies “It does when its in my f*cking pocket.

Talking of black eyes, I wouldn’t say no if this was how […]

Joke Time: Cecilia Turns Green And Passes Out

David and Simon are sitting in the cafeteria discussing their weekend. “Man this weekend was the best!” David says. “I finally fuck’n scored.”
Simon says, “Yeah, well I scored and it was the worst fuck’n experience I’ve ever had.”
“How so?” replies David.
Simon relates, “That girl Cecilia brought me back to her room and […]

This Man Is Blessed With A Wonderful Wife

A man comes home after a hard day’s work, and is looking forward to relaxing. He pours himself a glass of wine, eats a delicious home-cooked meal prepared by his wife, and goes up to his bedroom, where he and his wife have separate beds.
His wife follows him up a few minutes later. ”Honey-woney,” […]

Women Are Dumb But Think They Are Smart

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, ‘If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.’
The woman freed the frog, and the frog […]

Joke Time: Woman Meets The Man Of Her Dreams

The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in […]

Joke Time: Three Short Quickies

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor […]

The Old Sailor Was Doing Three Knots

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, just for old times sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age but needing some reassurance, he asks her, ‘How am […]

The Accountant Asks What Is Your Occupation?

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
“I’m a whore,” she says.
The accountant […]

Joke Time: Do You Still Believe In Genies

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, his wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how […]

God Asks Adam To Do Something For Him

God said, ‘Adam, I want you to do something for me.’
Adam said, ‘Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?’
God said, ‘Go down into that valley.’
Adam said, ‘What’s a valley?’
God explained it to him. Then God said, ‘Cross the river.’
Adam said, ‘What’s a river?’
God explained that to him, and then said, […]

Joke Time: The Nurse, Kenny & Jock

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he’s driving a truck, with his hands at 10 to 2.
The nurse asks him, ‘Kenny. What are you doing?’ Kenny replies, ‘Can’t talk right now I’m driving to Chicago’
The nurse wishes him a safe trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters […]

Joke Time: Charlie Walks Into His Bedroom

Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
“Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.”
His wife is lying in bed and replies: “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, you idiot.”
The man says: “I think you’ll find that I wasn’t talking to you.”

Joke Time: Madam, Your Dropping Money

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic bin bags, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags and once in a while a £20 note flies out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. “Madam, there are £20 notes falling out of that […]

Joke Time: Sex With The Dead

A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia - having sex with a dead woman……..
The judge told him, “In 20 years on the bench, I’ve never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing.
Just give me one good reason why I shouldn’t lock you up and throw away the key!”

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